Belgium researchers were so close to this discovery but were beaten by Chinese R&D.
Chinese scientists have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Bureaucratium (Bm), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Bureaucratium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Bureaucratium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Bureaucratium has a normal half-life of 2- 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Bureaucratium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bureaucratium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Bureaucratium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Bureaucratium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
The State Council will soon organize an international seminar in the Great Hall of the People, sponsored and supported by CCTV and the CCPPPCCCPPP, to detail findings. Belgium researchers are rumored to be close to another finding, Ministerexcessium (Mx). News expected on our upcoming National Day.
