Note sent the next school day with 1st grader…
Sorry Teacher.
That’s not a dance pole on stage in a strip joint! I work at Home Depot.
That’s me selling a  shovel.
Mrs. Smith

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, ‘Are you going to the Gold Coast?”
‘Sure,’ answered the blonde, ‘do you need a lift?’
‘Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo.
They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.’
‘I’d be happy to,’ said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
‘What the heck are you doing here?’ he demanded, ‘I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.’
‘Yes, I know you did,’ said the blonde,’ but we had money left over — so now we’re going to SeaWorld.’
[And then they say Blondes are not fast-thinking? Or, the pitfalls of communication!]

Well, unless you have YouTube where you’ll find some hilarious ones that purists and conservatives did not like. This one is a favorite here – looks so scarily possible. Oh boy, can imagine that. Or rather not.

Ingredients:
1 cup water; 1 cup of brown sugar; 1 tsp baking soda; 1 cup of sugar; 1 tsp salt; Lemon Juice; 4 large eggs; Nuts; 2 cups dried fruit
and
1 bottle of Vodka; 1 can of Red Bull

Method:
1.  Sample the vodka to check the quality.
2.  Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
3.  To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink.
4.  Repeat.
5.  Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6.  Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
7.  At this point its is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.
8.  Flavour with red bull to taste.
9.  Try another cup – just in case turn off the mixerer.
10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Pick fruit off floor
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour with a little  Bed Rull.
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something … Who giveshz a shi**
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the floor
18. Check the vodka
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
20. Add one table.
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
23. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.
25. Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS