Onions & Chistmas trees

With all the bad news you read everywhere, there is only one medicine: have a good laugh!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The  father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
– In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
– In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
– After 50, they are like onions”.
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make  you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the  daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are  there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
– In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
– In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
– After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes – the root’s are dead and the balls are just for decoration.”

doglaughs

Do note: now you understand why we did not set up a Christmas Year this year!!!

Dumb Chinese and boring CNN

I did not say Chinese people are dumb. This what the super army of bureaucrats and alike feel about their compatriots here, so access to foreign news media and Internet is heavily restricted as “they could be easily misled”. So, in my Julong Garden (an excellent example of typical old-style Chinese mismanagement), TV channels are restricted but to pacify those hordes of foreigners living here – we need to submit our passport copies for that – we have access to just a couple of foreign channels, being HBO (too much repeat and Hollywood trash but some movies are OK), TV5 (French) and CNN.
Of course I could install an illegal satellite dish as everybody does, but as a law-abiding citizen (joke, of course, I just don’t have time to watch TV) I am forced to stick to CNN and TV5 for news. Now, I feel CNN has gone down in quality coverage. Watching the events in Mumbai and now Gaza, it’s so shallow and repetitive. I think they ran out of journalists (who do something), so they loop whatever 15 seconds of footage they have and blabber and blabber. Ad nauseam. Better to look at TV5 where you see it once in a matter-of-fact way. What’s wrong with CNN lately? Budget cuts?

Stressed out in Beijing

Life in Beijing is tough. Champagne, sauna, karaoke, visits to 7 Star Hotel (free of course), watching Belly Dancing while eating Uzbekistan food, having to stop on the way from the gym to have 3 German dark beers (forced to drink coz Happy Hour), then facing the office after waking up in the morning with a rather unhappy face. Or being faced by not being allowed to do all the nice things we like.
unhappycat unhappydog
happyoffice
Ugly mornings, frustrations and too much stress!
Sometimes work is needed and the week is long. And the boss uses to come at the wrong moment.
workingweek workisstress
stresssituation notworking
So we are doing further research in stress relief.
stressedbreaking anti_stress_kit
Further progress is needed. But, HEY! It could be worse!
stressedfish flying_ass

Management Consulting Updates

With the holiday period our consulting company has done some intensive research in problem solving as well as improving Total Quality Management.


The studies were only possible thanks to the many bottles of red, whisky and champagne.
We are ready to further assist our clients if needed (but we prefer to concentrate on champagne).

One cup only please

This is what happened when a certain Company put up the following memo:
OFFICE MEMO:
May all members of staff please note that there will only be one drink per person at this year’s Christmas Party.
And please bring your own cup!
Regards,
Management
So…

bringacup2

Now you know dear guests of our Xmas party why I did NOT ask for that. We are more clever!