The lonely brain cell
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head.
She looked around inside the head nervously because it was all empty and unusually quiet.
” Hello?” she cried, but no answer.
“Is there anyone else in here?” she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel very alone and scared and so she yelled at the top of her voice,
“HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away…
“We’re down here.”
The Soldier and the Nun
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
Out of breath he asked, ‘Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I’ll explain WHY later.’
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, ‘Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?’
The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’
After the MP’s disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, ‘I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see — I don’t want to go to Iraq ….’
The nun said, ‘I think I can fully understand your fear.’
The soldier added, ‘I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!’
The nun replied, ‘If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls… I don’t want to go to Iraq either.’
New old mother
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. ‘May we see the new baby?’one of them asked.
‘Not yet,’ said the mother. ‘I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.’
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, ‘May we see the new baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked, ‘May we see the baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, ‘Well, when can we see the baby?’
‘When it cries!’ she told them.
‘When it cries?’ they gasped. ‘Why do we have to wait until it cries?’
‘Because, I forgot where I put it.’
The Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
The one nun says to the other, ‘Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.’
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, ‘Who is it?’
‘Blind man!’
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, ‘He’s blind, he can’t see. What could it hurt.’ They let him in.
The man walks in, does a double take, and says, ‘Where do you want me to hang the blinds?’
