You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs.In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter. The interview was as follows:
The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: “Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?”
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information. But what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”
Farmer: “And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”
Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”
Farmer: “I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day … and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad?”
The program was never aired ……
Government jobs – how to apply
A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, ‘Are you allergic to anything?
He replied, ‘yes – caffeine’.
Have you ever been in the military service?
‘Yes,’ he replied.’ I was in Iraq for two years.’
The interviewer said, ‘That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?’
The guy said, ‘Yes…. A roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.’
The interviewer said O.K. – You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. And plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. Every day.
The guy puzzled asks, ‘if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
‘This is a government job,’ the interviewer said. ‘For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!’
Honkies are sissies
Well, this is what some (stupid) foreigner wrote last year talking about us when we complained about the pollution.
Now in good old Hong Kong they are getting really upset with “their high levels of pollution”. Read this from the SCMP on 21 April 2009 – HK’s air pollution reaches high levels:
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Air pollution in Hong Kong again reached high levels on Tuesday afternoon – sparking concern about the dangers it poses to people’s health.
A spokesman for the Environmental Protection Department said air pollution recorded at roadside stations reached high levels of 85 to 135.
He said the roadside air quality on Tuesday was the poorest in Central – which recorded very high readings on the air pollution index at 131 – followed by Mongkok, 103, and Causeway Bay, 91.
The spokesman said people with heart or respiratory illnesses should avoid prolonged stays in places with heavy traffic.
“If it is necessary to stay in streets or roads with heavy traffic, people should reduce physical exertion as much as possible,” he warned.
The air pollution index figures are published by the Environmental Protection Department. The API is calculated by air quality monitoring stations around Hong Kong. These are then used to calculate the overall pollution level for the territory.
The API ranges from 0 to 500 and is divided into 5 bands according to its potential effect on people’s health.
An API higher than 100 means that one or more pollutants may pose immediate health effects to vulnerable people – such as those with respiratory illnesses.
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You Honkies should be happy. Here in Beijing we are pretty happy with levels like that. Some samples of the API in Dongsi between 9 and 29 April:
127 – 124 – 119 – 128 – 165 – 98 – 77- 92 – 121 – 97 – 65 – 53 – 70 – 78 – 61 – 45 – 69 – 87 – 77
Those recent figures are for us actually “excellent” and thanks to strong winds we had. Normally we have above 100, so don’t be too happy.
Not to be surprised we suffer from respiratory diseases and Pekinese spit and clear throats anywhere and anytime.
New weather forecast in UK
In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as “English Weather”.
Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as “Muslim Weather”.
In other words – partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite.
2009: you’re not that welcome in China
[edited 30 April]
There we go again. In its draconian approach – no people, no foreigners, no trouble makers, no unruly masses – the Chinese Paranoid Brigade has apparently decided the Olympics were great – less people less trouble. So, this year the clean-up is in view of the “celebration” of 60 years China (never mind some other “anniversaries”). Not a celebration for all though, please stay home in your foreign country and watch the military parade on your HDTV with a beer and some chips. Too bad for the business people, the planned seminars and congresses. Some are starting to be postponed. Never mind the hotels, the tourism agencies, the food and beverage sectors. And the export sector. Don’t come to buy your toys in the coming months. Go somewhere else instead and leave us alone here. Screw the recession.
Indeed, all those hoping for their F visas (stands now for F####ing visas), bye bye. The usually super-busy months of September / October will make way for blue skies.
I guess Beijing will again erect its security perimeter around the city. Don’t dream about coming from other provinces into the city. And do not bring washing powder and shampoo. Too dangerous. You non-Beijingers, stay home and watch TV, OK! Cross the border without proper papers and you might get shot (as I learned some days ago in Hebei Province).
Of course expect the denials. Like the ones (Qin Gang, Foreign Ministry spokesman): “Many people have a false impression that the Chinese government fears the Internet. In fact, it is just the opposite”. Yeah, you bet. YouTube gone. And all the others, thanks to the Great Firewall. No fear, just that Chinese are all toddlers sitting in a huge kindergarten. They need to be protected from negative influences.
Shanghai 2010? Another big event without visitors?
no YouTube but at least this, thanks to China Daily
Well, at least we have China Daily to cheer us up. They also like a good pair of legs and more. Let’s see if the new guys from “The Global Times” come up with more and better.
See here what China Economic Review wrote:
China to boost security ahead of PRC anniversary
29 April 2009
China on Tuesday announced plans to boost public security in preparation for the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China, AP reported, citing state media. The new security campaign will begin in May in order to ensure “a steady and harmonious social environment” for the anniversary celebrations slated for October. Police will step up efforts to rein in criminal gangs, arrest wanted criminals, and crack down on robberies and phone scams. Local officials have been encouraged to “carry out in-depth patriotic educational activities” which should “guide people to love the party” and recognize the advantages of socialism. Visas for foreigners will also be restricted. China enacted similar security measures in the runup to the Olympic Games in Beijing in August of last year.