God created the donkey and said to him: “You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.”
The donkey answered: “I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years”. God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him: “You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog.”
The dog answered: “Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years.” God granted his wish.
God created the monkey and said to him: “You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.”
The monkey answered: “To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years.” God granted his wish.
Finally God created man… and said to him: “You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.”
Man responded: “Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.” God granted man’s wish.
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That’s Life.

The lonely brain cell
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head.

She looked around inside the head nervously because it was all empty and unusually quiet.
” Hello?” she cried, but no answer.
“Is there anyone else in here?” she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel very alone and scared and so she yelled at the top of her voice,
“HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away…

“We’re down here.”
The Soldier and the Nun
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
Out of breath he asked, ‘Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I’ll explain WHY later.’
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, ‘Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?’
The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’
After the MP’s disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, ‘I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see — I don’t want to go to Iraq ….’
The nun said, ‘I think I can fully understand your fear.’
The soldier added, ‘I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!’
The nun replied, ‘If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls… I don’t want to go to Iraq either.’
New old mother
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. ‘May we see the new baby?’one of them asked.
‘Not yet,’ said the mother. ‘I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.’
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, ‘May we see the new baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked, ‘May we see the baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, ‘Well, when can we see the baby?’
‘When it cries!’ she told them.
‘When it cries?’ they gasped. ‘Why do we have to wait until it cries?’
‘Because, I forgot where I put it.’
The Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
The one nun says to the other, ‘Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.’
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, ‘Who is it?’
‘Blind man!’
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, ‘He’s blind, he can’t see. What could it hurt.’ They let him in.
The man walks in, does a double take, and says, ‘Where do you want me to hang the blinds?’

To my Catholic friends and also others who have love in their heart.
Very touching. Please read. In these mean times, recession, warm Christmas feelings, we might be compelled to do good.
Got this message from a friend:
-=-=
As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to “care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,” I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person’s condition.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.
A small voice inside my head called out, ‘Reach out, reach out and touch this person!’

So I did…….

I won’t be at Mass this week.
-=-=
As to continue the good work started by my friend, I am now eagerly looking for that vagabond.

With all the bad news you read everywhere, there is only one medicine: have a good laugh!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The  father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
– In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
– In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
– After 50, they are like onions”.
“Onions?”
“Yes, you see them and they make  you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the  daughter said, “Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are  there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
– In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
– In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
– After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes – the root’s are dead and the balls are just for decoration.”

Do note: now you understand why we did not set up a Christmas Year this year!!!

Life in Beijing is tough. Champagne, sauna, karaoke, visits to 7 Star Hotel (free of course), watching Belly Dancing while eating Uzbekistan food, having to stop on the way from the gym to have 3 German dark beers (forced to drink coz Happy Hour), then facing the office after waking up in the morning with a rather unhappy face. Or being faced by not being allowed to do all the nice things we like.


Ugly mornings, frustrations and too much stress!
Sometimes work is needed and the week is long. And the boss uses to come at the wrong moment.


So we are doing further research in stress relief.

Further progress is needed. But, HEY! It could be worse!