Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai.
“Oscar,” asked Benjie, “Are there any Jews in China?”
“I don’t know,” Oscar replied.
“Why don’t we ask the waiter?”
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Benjie asked.
“I will check again, sir” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Benjie asked again.
“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”
“Sir, I asked everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!
If you want, we have Chinese Tea.”

You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs.In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter. The interview was as follows:
The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: “Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?”
Reporter (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information. But what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”
Farmer: “And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”
Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”
Farmer: “I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day … and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad?”
The program was never aired ……

A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, ‘Are you allergic to anything?
He replied, ‘yes – caffeine’.
Have you ever been in the military service?
‘Yes,’ he replied.’ I was in Iraq for two years.’
The interviewer said, ‘That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?’
The guy said, ‘Yes…. A roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.’
The interviewer said O.K.  – You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. And plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. Every day.
The guy puzzled asks, ‘if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
‘This is a government job,’ the interviewer said. ‘For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!’

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as “English Weather”.
Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as “Muslim Weather”.
In other words – partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite.